All these weird creatures who lock up their spirits

Marriage (Topic #46)

2006-11-20T02:40:20Z

Marriage isn't really just about a big day, or a pretty white dress, or exchanging rings and vows. It's a way you decide to live your life. Whether you want to be unfettered but lonely for the rest of your life, or take on some responsibility for another person. I guess for some people like Max that question is easier, he always takes on too much responsibility, for everyone. I didn't really grow up on an alien planet with that sort of burden bearing down on my shoulders so my destiny? Well, Max always said we make our own destiny and I believed him.

Max was always worried about leaving me to lead a normal life, but for me he's always been normal. Before him I had all of these fantasies about being an acclaimed scientist that mostly featured me being alone. Don't get me wrong, Maria was always in there somewhere, my quirky yet talented best friend and Alex? He would still always be on the sidelines cracking jokes and trying to stay as far from the girltalk as he could. None of those things really panned out for me and honestly, not only does that not bother me but I hardly ever think about that life anymore. For me, life started when Max saved me from what should have been a fatal gunshot wound.

We've had our share of hard times, probably more than most. We've broken up, we've been on opposing sides, we've said some fairly ugly things to eachother in the heat of the moment but in the end he was always the one that I could count on. I've tried to move on from him in the past but he was the only person I could ever see. In a sea of faces, I could pick him out and know that he was supposed to be mine. Marriage means alot of things to me, but it's mostly a promise. A promise that I'll be at his side no matter what, that in the end no matter what happens we love eachother.

And sometimes? That's all you need.

Best friends (Topic #42)

2006-10-07T06:38:30Z

Back before there were aliens, back before I was brought back from the dead and Tess killed Alex, Maria and I used to dream about the future. I was always a famous physicist at Harvard and she was always my quirky artist best friend. That was the basis of our friendship for years. Sure, Alex fit into that equation somewhere but he was always the guy, he was never going to see the side of me and Maria that were reserved for slumber parties and girl things that we didn't necessarily want to discuss in front of him.

I didn't think it was possible but somehow our friendship grew from that into something bigger. I guess it had to considering the circumstances we were thrust into but I still remember that even when it felt like the world was crumbling down and I had no one to talk to, I still had Maria on my side. After everything with Tess and Future Max, Maria was the one person I could talk to about it who would actually understand.

We had our differences, obviously. When the line was drawn in the sand between the aliens and the humans she took their side. It wasn't like I didn't understand it, she needed Michael, she needed someone to lean on. That was still the loneliest feeling I can ever recall, the idea that she wasn't flanked at my side like she had always been in the past. I was totally alone, and I knew that I was obsessing but I couldn't help it. I might have been obsessed, but I was also right. Eventually Maria was the first person to see that with everyone else following suit later.

Things are so different now and we're not exactly an award winning physicist and a quirky musician but we make do with what we have. We've had strange days and I'm willing to bet that only stranger things are right around the corner, but we'll be okay. We'll make it as long as we have eachother.

What I've kept with me and what I've thrown away (Topic 39)

2006-09-18T23:22:13Z

At the risk of sounding like a broken record? I think everyone can guess what my answer is going to be. Jealousy? There's only one person I've been so jealous of I couldn't see straight and her name is Tess, she's the queen of an alien race. At least she used to be, before her sister-in-law sold them all out and they were all killed by Kivar. Alien politics is a topic for a different discussion though, it's just a small part of what I've learned hanging out with the Royal Four. The Royal Four that most definitely do not include me.

I did what I had to do. That's what I tell myself anyways. We make our own destiny, yeah I got the memo, read the cliff-notes three times and still don't get it. Future Max wanted to save us all from the future but he still wanted me. I never understood that. How could he ask me to set Max up with Tess? All to avoid some apocalypse I knew nothing about years and years into the future. Apparently Tess leaving town was a bad thing. Strange I know, considering how relieved we all tend to be when she's not around. What could I do? Risk Max and Maria and everyone else for a love that I knew I could never really have? It didn't seem very fair. So I did what I had to do, I drove Max away from me and right into Tess' open arms.

It worked a little too well. I hadn't really expected it to be such a permanant thing, even if later it dawned on me the weight of my own deception. Forcing Max to walk in on me in bed with Kyle? It wasn't something he was bound to ever get over. I couldn't get over it, it was so hard just to keep it a secret from Maria let alone Max. If he had known how I'd lied to him? I thought it might even be worse. And so day by day I watched him get a little closer to Tess. Just when I thought that maybe there was some glimmer of hope for us she'd come swooping back in, ever the Alien Queen.

When I found out that Max had made love to Tess I nearly lost my mind. I just started blurting out accusations at Max without the fact that he thought I slept with Kyle even entering my mind. It was irrational and unfair, but sometimes love just is irrational and unfair. I loved Max and the idea that I had saved myself for him and he hadn't saved himself for me tore me apart. It wasn't just the sex though, he'd gotten her pregnant and the four of them were running back to their home planet. That was it, the end. She had won and I had lost.

Obviously that's not the end of the story. Tess showed her true colors in the end and Max and I got married. Still, I know that she's always going to have a part of him that I will never touch. Not just their shared history but their son. He's never going to be free of her, not totally and that makes me jealous most of all.

The girl that you want, she's tearing us apart cause she's everything I'm not (Topic #36)

2006-08-29T13:26:01Z

It takes two to tango.

I might have forgiven Max but that doesn't mean I've forgotten. Zan didn't come into being on his own, or by Tess alone. I know that it's partly my own fault, or at least as much my fault as it could possibly be. I never would have driven Max closer to Tess if future Max hadn't insisted on it. Part of me wanted to stay selfish, wanted to keep Max to myself even if that meant the inevitable apocalypse. It wasn't the end of the world that convinced me to get into bed with Kyle but rather the foretold deaths of all of my friends. I couldn't sacrifice them, no matter how selfish I wanted to be.

I knew that I had done the right thing, that I had pushed him into it but that didn't make it any easier to see or hear about. I saved myself for him even if he didn't know it and he went and threw it away on the one person I couldn't stand. I can't really say how different things would be if I hadn't listened to future Max, whether the end of the world would have actually made it here or not. Max always told me that we made our own future but I'm not sure I believe that either.

I would never deny Max his son, I know how important Zan is to him. Actually, I can safely say I would do just about anything to make sure that Zan is safe. I've already been arrested once for it and I would do it all over again.

I love Max and by default I love his son, but that doesn't mean that I don't see Tess everytime I have ever looked at him. That I'm not reminded of the time that Tess and Max spent together. It takes two to tango, babies don't get made all on their own. Still, once upon a time Maria told me I needed to get over it or get over Max.

I think I made the right choice.

I wanna love you but my hands are tied (Topic #35)

2006-08-23T19:37:10Z

In another life I was the queen of an entire alien race. Oh wait, no. That's Tess' former life. Me? I'm just Liz Parker, I've never really thought about who I could have been in a past life. Mostly because I've been too busy living this one and life never really gets boring when you're married to an alien and caught in the strangest intergalactic science fiction soap opera known to man. Ava told me that back on Antar when she was married to Max it was like he was always waiting for something better to come along. Sometimes I wonder if that something better was me. Like fate just understood that the two of us needed to be together. I don't know. Like I said, it's hard to think about a former life when this one has seen more than it's fair share of excitement.

Women in history are rarely ever very brave or exciting. I mean, I could say that I was Joan of Arc but doesn't everyone wish they were Joan of Arc in a past life? Or maybe that's Cleopatra, I don't know. I do know that if I lived a past life I must have been the kind of girl who dressed up like a boy just so she could talk about science and go on explorations. Maybe I was on one of Christopher Columbus' expeditions to explore the new world, minus the enslaving the Natives and everything because that part is not so good.

Or maybe I was Queen Elizabeth, refusing to yield to the demands of the British that I become Catholic and instead holding firm to my own faith. Refusing to take a husband and maybe it was just a flimsy excuse that Kings bring down kingdoms. Maybe I was just looking for something better too, something that only existed on another planet. Maybe I've spent lifetimes searching for Max.

I don't know if I believe in reincarnation but whoever I was and whatever I was doing, it must have been a lonely life. Because the person that makes me happy only came to this planet in the 60's.

Please say honestly you won't give up on me (Topic 32)

2006-07-31T21:38:49Z

//locked//

Future Max,

The world didn't end. I'm not sure that you even exist anymore, or at least not in the same way that I remember you. You said you were starting to fade and I remembered seeing it, watching you disappear. Sometimes at night I stare up at the sky and I think about what happened to you. It's almost like I'm the only thing that you left behind, the only thing that will remember a future that will never exist. It's mind boggling to think about how we changed things, you and I. I almost wish I could have met a future version of myself, the little bits and pieces you told me hardly seem like enough to prepare for the life I will lead.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing a letter to someone who doesn't exist anymore, other than to tell you that I always think about you. I mean, I know you're Max but not Max specifically, at least not to me. You're always going to exist a little seperately from him because you are the version of him that I'll never have.

The thing I always remember most about you is what you always told me. We make our own future. I could tell that it was just as hard for you as it was for him to see me in bed with Kyle. But it was the better alternative to watching everyone we love die around us because of Tess' absence in our lives. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't listened to you, after everything Tess did to hurt us all but it still wasn't worth the price of the entire world, of Maria, Michael and Isabel's lives, even if it did cost Alex his own.

I guess the point of this letter is to let you know we did it, we managed to avert that particular crisis and the world is still standing, for better or worse. I also wanted you to know that I still had my wedding night. It wasn't in Vegas and it technically wasn't even at night. It was a small chapel by the side of a country road and all of our friends were there.

Tonight I'm going to put this letter in a bottle and put it in the ocean. Cheesy I know, but maybe somewhere someday wherever you are, you'll see it and you'll know.

We won.

Love Always,
Liz

//unlocked//

If you were here you'd know how I treasured everyday (Topic 26)

2006-07-02T20:33:08Z

The simple answer is that I would and always will go however far I have to if it means protecting the people that I love. Even if they're dead.

When Alex died it was like a wake up call for me. I thought for sure that Maria would be on my side right away but when everything split and came down to the Roswellians versus the aliens her heart pulled her back to Michael. Maybe it was just easier for me to become obsessed considering Max was doing...whatever he was doing with Tess by then and I didn't have anything pulling me back. I only had something pulling me forward.

Maria couldn't understand it. She said she just lost her best friend and she needed her other best friend to be there for her. I could understand that and that's why I never really held it against her. She wanted me to hold her and cry with her and God, I wanted to so badly she'll never even know. But I knew if I broke down like that I might never get back up. It didn't mean that I never cried. I cried, I grieved so much I thought that I'd never stop. I just did it in private.

Max was angry that I automatically assumed it was an alien attack that had killed Alex. It turned out that I was right but I can understand why he didn't want to believe it. Max takes so much onto himself and I knew that if Alex's death had been alien related he would have blamed himself. The point is? Max didn't want me investigating Alex's death. He was pretty vehement about wanting me to stay in Roswell like a good little girl and watch him play house with Tess.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep

I was obsessed. I couldn't stop even when the people that I loved begged me to. I couldn't even see straight, I couldn't sleep, I knew I was being an awful friend to Maria but I had to do this for Alex. If I hadn't we would have never discovered that Tess was the one behind his death. Maybe it wasn't in everyone's best interest to get as involved as I did with Alex's mysterious death but at least now I know Alex can rest.

And miles to go before I sleep.

Sneaking aboard (open to isabelxevans)

2006-06-24T04:16:06Z

Isabel's idea of escaping to LA wasn't bad but I couldn't help but think about the possible repercussions. What if they really had caught up to Max and Kyle? Shouldn't we be trying to think of a way to go back and rescue them instead of running for our lives? But even if that was true I knew it was better that we stay safe so we could go back later for them. If we got caught too then nobody from the outside would be able to help.

The SUVs followed us all the way into the city, and poor Isabel's knuckles grew pale she was gripping the steering wheel so hard. She really was going to need to rest soon but it wasn't like we had time to pull over and let me take over with the driving. I was worried about her. I was worried about Max. God, I was just worried. I hated being chased and being away from Max like this.

We'd had to ditch the car because it was a dead giveaway and now that we were in the city there were plenty of places to hide. Except it didn't keep them from chasing us. We were down by the docks and we'd managed to find temporary refuge in a warehouse. Emphasis on the temporary because I knew it wouldn't be long until they found us again.

Glancing out the window I tried to come up with a plan when I spotted a yacht at the docks. The sound of people and music floated down from it and I could see people coming and going. A yacht party. Filled with people. It was the perfect place to hide.

"Come on, Isabel." I said, grabbing her hand and pulling her along with me. "We're going to a party." It would be easy to hide in there and I wasn't giving Isabel much of a choice.

When we were down the stairs I glanced up at the doorway of the yacht and there was someone at the door but I had the feeling that Isabel and I would have no trouble getting in. I smiled wryly up at her. Time to put that famous sex appeal to work.

I nodded up at the doorway and glanced up at her. "It'll be really easy to hide in there. We'll have a better chance of losing them."

Thought of all the stupid things I've said (Topic 24)

2006-06-20T15:45:06Z

*locked from Max and Tess*

The thing about these questions is that they're that always so ambigiuous. I'm not really sure what I'd do now if there were no consequences. I guess I'd go home to Roswell. I miss my family, and my home but we can't risk it and whoever's looking for all of us will always have their eyes on my parents, on Maria's mother, on the Evans' who raised Isabel and Max. It will never be safe for us to go back there. But I've already made my choice when it comes to Roswell and I've decided that my real family is here with Max, Isabel, Kyle, Maria and Michael. In the end it was a really an easy choice to make and not just because I'm in love with Max or because I was so wrapped up in the alien drama that I'd never break away. But because this, all of them are my real family.

It's a whole lot easier to look back on my life and think about consequences. If I could go back in time and make things different without the fear of consequences I might. If I didn't have to worry about the whole world coming to an end because of a war waged against Max by an alien army race I'd never have turned him away the way that I did. I would have never pushed him towards Tess. I'm glad that there's no real way to see into the future because if there was, if I could see what would happen, if I could see Max with Tess I never would have listened to Future Max. We make our own future. Max has always told me that but it doesn't really hold any water when he came to me from the future to prevent the two of us from making love the night of the concert. All to keep Tess in town, to push Max and Tess towards eachother. I knew what I was doing but I didn't really. I didn't know that Tess was a psychotic bitch and I definitely didn't know that Max would be stupid enough to sleep with her without at least the benefit of protection.

And this is where I start to realize that I spend far too much time focusing on Tess. Maria told me I need to let it go so I can focus on the future with Max. Either let it go or let him go. It was a lot easier to do that when Tess was back on Antar or supposedly dead. Now that she's back it's harder to move past her. I never had a doubt in my mind that Max loved me, loves me. More than he could ever love her. Maybe that's the human side of him taking over, or maybe Zan just never really loved Ava. Tess' double once told me that it was always like Zan's mind was somewhere else. Like he was waiting for something better to come along. I can only hope that something is me.

I'm not really sure why I keep coming back to Tess other than she seems to be the root of my misery most of the time. Sometimes I worry that I'll never get past her, because when I thought about this question I knew what the answer was immediately.

If I could do anything I wanted without fear of consequences I'd kill Tess. And somehow make sure that she'd never come back ever again.

For licenseartistic

2006-06-20T15:41:47Z

Title: Afraid of the Future
Prompt: "We wake in the night to stereophonic silence."
Fandom: Roswell
Pairing: Liz/Max
Word Count: 620
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Liz Parker and the other various characters of Roswell don't belong to me. If they did the show would have aired on HBO and had alot more nudity.

Have you ever had that oh God moment? You know the one that sneaks up on you in the middle of this comfortable haze and makes the entire world as you know it fall apart? Well, sometimes I think that moment happened for me when Max Evans brought me back from the dead in the Crashdown. But actually it was the night that the totally opposite thing happened.

Max was dead. I woke up out of a dead sleep and I just felt it. I want to say that it was pain that I was feeling but I don't think pain is even the word I'd use for that. You know how sometimes you cut yourself a little too well and it doesn't even hurt at all for the first minute or two? The blade is too sharp and you cut too deep so you don't even feel it hardly at all until a few minutes later when it hurts so bad you can barely stand it. That's what feeling Max Evans die did to me. At first there was just that numb confused feeling. You can see the blood flowing and you know it's yours but it can't really be yours.

I'll never be able to explain the connection that I have with Max but Ava once told me that he'd changed me when he brought me back to life. That much is pretty obvious considering my sudden and latent alien powers but I had no idea it went that deep. Had Max connected us the day he'd healed me or had this amazingly beautiful thing always existed between the two of us and we'd just never noticed? Granted, we noticed eachother but we never noticed like this. I didn't spend sleepless nights tossing and turning and wondering what Max was thinking about.

I told Maria I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Max was dead. She even tried calling Michael just to prove me wrong but Michael wasn't picking up his phone. Now I know it was because he was freaking out trying to deal with Max's death on top of the bullet Isabel had lodged inside of her. Maria didn't have to believe me though. Nobody believed me when I said that Alex was killed by an alien and I'm pretty sure I turned out to be right on that count.

It didn't really hit me until I was walking through the dark and empty campus that I wasn't thinking about life with Max, I was thinking about life without Max. I was thinking about all the time I wasted. The cold air hit my skin like a wall of silence so loud it hurt my already pounding head but I pushed myself to keep walking. Because sitting still while Max was dead didn't make any sense at all. Staying away from him while he was alive made even less sense.

Max always scared me because this thing we had together was so intense. So intense that I did a million insane things like getting myself arrested trying to find his spaceship. I disappointed my family, friends. I did things in the name of love that I swore I'd never do for anything and now it was all gone, like the rug had finally been pulled right out from beneath my feet. I'd been scared because I just knew that one day Max would leave, go back to Antar and leave me here without him. It was inevitable and we all knew it. And as I fell to my knees in the snow I knew what my greatest mistake had been. I was so afraid of the future I never let myself enjoy the present.

The suicide of love (Topic 21)

2006-05-22T19:38:36Z

My favorite play used to be Romeo and Juliet. That was back when I was sixteen and the world seemed so black and white to me. Then one day I woke up and realized that it wasn't called Romeo and Juliet but the Tragedy of. People always think it's such a romantic play but it's not. There's nothing romantic about it because in the end the Montagues and the Capulets could never put aside their differences long enough to let Romeo and Juliet have their fairytale ending. Instead they both died because they couldn't be together.

I don't know when exactly I learned that love is hard, but I guess it must have been somewhere around the time Tess showed up in Roswell. Who was I to stand in the way of destiny? I heard it all, Tess and Max were destined to be together and when Future Max showed up only to repeat the same words it felt like the world came crashing down on top of me.

If there's one thing I've learned over the years it's that love isn't easy. It's especially difficult if you happen to be in love with an alien from another planet. It all got so complicated for a little while, and I can't pretend to know what's right around the corner for the two of us but it would be stupid of me to think that any of it's going to be easy.

Romeo and Juliet isn't my favorite play anymore. Actually, I'm not sure that I have one but I do know that I'll take it all. The pain and the loss and everything else that goes with it. I gave up everything I used to be for Max and despite everything that's happened I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you (Topic 18)

2006-04-26T18:07:52Z

Future Max told me the only thing I had to do was stop Tess from leaving town. If she left Kivar would take control and the entire world would be lost. He told me that Isabel and Michael had already died, and that the two of us had been the only ones left in a broken future. And why? Because apparently the two of us were supposed to consumate our relationship the night of that concert. No matter how many times I rationalized it, I couldn't make it make sense. I wasn't ready to make love to Max but here he was from the future telling me that it didn't matter. Because I did. And it was the downfall of an entire planet. The one thing that pushed Tess away.

We design our own futures. Max always used to tell me that. It was always up to us. The only thing I had to stop was the sex. I had to make sure that our relationship didn't go to that next level. In some ways I think I pushed too hard because I was scared. Sex wasn't something I was ready for but apparently it was right around the corner for me. So I had to push Tess and Max closer together.

The problem was nothing I did was helping. No matter what I said, or how I tried to hurt him Max always came back to me and pushed Tess away. I knew that I had to do something drastic and pretending to sleep with Kyle was just the thing that would finally push Max away. I knew it was true. It didn't make it any less painful for either of us. The idea that I had to push away the one thing I loved for the good of the planet. It was a little too epic for me, but hadn't everything been since the day he saved me in the Crashdown?

So at Future Max's insistance I pretended to sleep with Kyle and pushed Max right into Tess' waiting arms. It still hurts so much, and it took me so long to get over that sting of betrayal. I'd done it first but what he didn't know was that I hadn't. That kind of secret can burn a hole right through a girl's heart and thank God for Maria. The one person I could count on to unload on without judgement.

It worked. A little too well. Max slept with Tess and she got pregnant. Even though Future Max told me that the future was up to us I had given up on it. For the sake of Max and well, everybody I gave up on him. I let him go but I never really let him go. And now I can't help but wonder if it had all been a mistake. After that weekend passed I should have found him, I should have told Max that I hadn't really slept with Kyle. I should have told him about Future Max. I don't know why I didn't, why I decided it was my own personal cross to bear. After all, Max already had enough of his own.

If I'd done something different would Alex still be alive? Would Max have even slept with Tess? I'd never begrudge my husband his son but it's still a painful reminder of everything that happened in Roswell. I only wish I could have done something different, maybe then Alex would be here with the rest of us.

fated_stranger @ 2006-04-15T18:09:00

2006-04-15T22:12:04Z

Tess is back.

Great.

Revenge- for licenseartistic

2006-04-07T18:28:20Z

Title: Revenge
Prompt: Picture Prompt #1
Fandom: Roswell
Character: Liz Parker
Word Count: 425
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Liz Parker and the other various characters of Roswell don't belong to me. If they did the show would have aired on HBO and had alot more nudity.

"Liz!"

Maria's voice sounded like it's coming from the end of a long tunnel as I turned from my back onto my side. Normally if someone was screaming my name at the top of their lungs I'd be on my feet in an instant, waiting for the next round of bad news. The revelation that our secret had been found out, that someone was coming for us and we had to move onto the next city which was a pity since I was really enjoying New York. But this was Maria yelling my name and I knew it could be about anything from the newest stupid thing Michael had said to her new pair of boots that she was trying to rouse me out of sleep to talk about.

"Liz! Wake up!"

Now I could feel Maria's hand shaking my shoulder and I knew that there was no way I was ever going to get back to sleep.

"What? What is it Maria? I was trying to sleep." I finally mumbled, sitting halfway up in bed and brushing long tangled dark hair out of my eyes.

"Yeah, I know," Maria rolled her eyes. "Max already told me to leave you alone and let you sleep but you have to see this!" Urgently she tugged on my arm practically pulling me out from underneath the covers as she dragged me towards the window in the bedroom I shared with Max.

"Just look," Maria prompted me.

Pulling the shade up I glanced through the window and my eyes lit up at the sight of it. Snow swirling gently through the air, leaving a thick blanket of white on the ground, my eyes sparkled at the sight of it.

"Remember that one time we had a snowstorm in Roswell?" Maria asked me with a laugh.

"How could I forget?" I laughed as she continued staring out into the Winter Wonderland that had begun to accumulate outside of the window. "Kyle pushed you in a snowbank and you cried until Alex and I pelted him with snowballs for you."

Maria smiled widely at the memory.

"Kyle's outside right now with Isabel." Maria's grin grew more devious as we swapped a shared look, the same intent scribbled carelessly across both our faces.

"Let's go!" I yelled haphazardly with a laugh as the two of us both burst into action at the same time, pulling on boots and gloves, and both desperate to be the first one to push Kyle into the biggest snowbank we could find.

I don't see myself when I look in the mirror (Losing control)

2006-03-21T05:21:39Z

When I started developing alien powers I started to also realize what life had been like for Max, Michael and Isabel all these years. When I think about losing control I think about Michael. He's just so completely hot-headed most of the time he won't even listen to what Max has to say. I used to think that was so strange. Here Max was, the absolute epitome of control all of the time so why couldn't Michael do the same? I could never understand it until one day I turned from a normal girl into...whatever it is that I am now. Then I realized just how hard it's been for Max to stay permanantly in control.

The thing about alien powers is that they are alien. No one can explain how they work and how to use them. Even Max, Michael and Isabel are just as lost as I am. They don't know anymore about their powers than I know about mine. Granted they know more about exactly what they are than I know about what I am now. I was just a normal girl, a waitress from Roswell and now I can see the future, I can send out blasts of energy with the palm of my hand.

I haven't learned much about controlling them but one thing I have learned is that they're strongly tied into high emotions. I know that because I lost control of them once. After everything that happened I'm honestly surprised I didn't kill Tess. Back then my powers were brand new and I knew literally nothing about them which I suppose isn't that different than the way things are now. Still, the powers were as fresh as my rage towards Tess had been. She killed Alex, my best friend in cold blood. She did everything in her power to keep Max and I away from eachother. She made a deal with Kivar trading Max, Isabel and Michael's lives for that of her own and her son.

When I walked into Michael's apartment standing there as if she belonged the only thing I could see was red. I couldn't formulate a single thought beyon dthe fact that the bitch was back to cause more trouble, as if she hadn't already caused more than enough. It wasn't a conscious decision to use my powers. Not really. I just knew that she was dangerous and back and I had to protect Max no matter what the cost.

The next thing I knew a burst of energy came out of my hand and Tess was on the floor. I demanded that she get back up because I wasn't done with her by a long shot. She deserved every little bit of pain I could give her and then some. And I planned to deliver, there's no doubt about that.

It was a good thing Max stepped in because I really planned to kill Tess. Through it all Max was the voice of reason and I guess that's why he was the king of his home planet. Now I can see why he stepped in and I'd even go so far as to say I'm grateful. I've seen what killing people has done to my friends. No matter how justified it was. I know that not a day goes by where Michael doesn't think about Agent Pierce and Isabel doesn't think about Congresswoman Whitaker. As much as I hated Tess I think in the end I didn't want her to die, even if that seemed to be the road she chose for herself in the end.

Losing control is messy and usually pretty painful. I hope that I'll never be in a position to lose control like that again but with how strange my life has been?

I probably shouldn't count on that hope.

Love.

2006-02-17T08:55:20Z

February 14th. I'm Liz Parker and it's been a long strange journey to find my heart.

The day I died changed my entire life. When Max's hand touched my skin I saw me. It sounds strange, but I saw myself the way Max saw me. I was just a little girl and through his eyes I was beautiful. I'd never seen myself like that and I doubt I ever will again. But that was the first time I saw Max, really saw him. He risked everything just to save me and it turned my entire life upside down. I'd never really thought about the way things could be. There's an order to the world when you're Liz Parker and that was especially true pre-alien awareness. I had an entire future mapped out, a solid plan that eventually saw me as head of my class at Harvard.

Life is the sort of thing that just happens to you and I think love is like that too. Max Evans happened to me. Suddenly I was in over my head, with aliens and the government chasing us, conspiracies, cover ups, protecting Max, Michael and Isabel. It was like I blinked and woke up in the middle of a science fiction movie. None of it mattered though. Not really. Because I didn't care, not then not now. There's not a decision I made that I regret, or that I take back. There were rough times, the worst of times. Times where I knew that things would just be easier if I hadn't mixed myself up with aliens. Sometimes I'll see Alex's face in a crowd and I'm especially reminded of those times.

I never stopped though. I lost my best friend, my heart was crushed, I was sent to prison, I gave up on a future full of smiling professionals. But I never stopped loving Max. Not for a second did I ever think I wanted anyone else. Even after future Max told me it was for his own good to push him towards Tess. The thing that future Max didn't understand was that I couldn't make him fall out of love with me anymore than I could make me fall out of love with him.

Eventually I began developing my own alien powers. I'm still not entirely sure how they work but I know they're getting more intense, more frequent. I don't know if it means I'm becoming like them or if it means I'm something completely different. At first they were terrifying, but now I see what's it like to be them. To be different. To want to use the powers that we have to help people, instead of fighting for our lives.

I had to move away from my home, from my family, from everything I've ever known and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Max is my family no matter what hardships lie ahead for the two of us. We've been hunted, we've been split apart, we've been through things that most people can't even imagine but in the end we always end up back together where we belong. He brings out the absolute best and absolute worst in me and the day I married him was the happiest day of my life.

It's February 14th. I'm Liz Parker and four years ago I died. But then the best thing happened. I came to life.

What would you kill for?

2006-01-29T21:23:19Z

If you'd asked me that question three years ago I would have laughed. Liz Parker kill anything more than a fly? It wasn't very likely. Besides, I was one of the good kids. I had a bright future, I never got in trouble, I had a respectable boyfriend and a part-time job waiting tables at The Crashdown. If you'd asked my parents back then what I would have turned out to be I can almost guarantee that on a long list of possibilities a fugitive hunted by the government wouldn't be seen anywhere.

But that was a long time ago, another lifetime. That was before a bullet ripped through my stomach and Max Evans saved my life. He didn't just save my life, he gave me life in a way. For so long I was just walking around, going through the motions. I had things and people that I cared about but there was no passion in it. There was nothing but an empty smile and a girl who claimed to be Liz Parker but it wasn't really her. I came alive that day and I've never looked back. Not once.

The girl who used to be Liz Parker would have never killed for anything. I guess it's hard to say for sure unless you've been tested but since that day in The Crashdown? I've been tested a whole lot and I'd like to say that I know exactly who I am now. I don't like the idea of killing but if it's a matter of protecting the people I love? If it's a matter of protecting Max's secret? I'd kill in a heartbeat. I've held a gun on someone, but I never actually meant to use it and luckily for me I didn't have to use it.

I guess the time I felt the most like losing control and actually ending someone's life? Tess. When I walked into Michael's apartment and saw her standing there after she'd destroyed so much? It wasn't a gun in my hand but I had the feeling that although I hadn't exactly tested my new powers? That I could kill her without ever lifting a finger and I wanted to. It's harder to control something that has no trigger and the only thing I could see was Alex's face. His trusting face, his smile lighting up the room whenever he caught sight of Isabel, his hand warm and comforting on my arm when my entire world was falling apart.

If Max hadn't stopped me when he had I was sure that I would have killed her. It wasn't just for Alex either, it was for Max and the son she took away from him, the way she lied to him, the way she tore through the middle of us. I think in the end she understood that nothing would come between me and Max but it didn't matter because she tried. She was manipulative and selfish and inevitably got Alex killed because he trusted her.

Now I can only be grateful that Max was there to stop me. I'm still not Tess' number one fan by a longshot but I know that she's trying. I don't think she'll ever be able to make up for what she did to Alex, but if I killed her I would be just as bad as her and I'm frankly not willing to let myself slip that far.

My Movie

2006-01-09T05:39:26Z

This movie's for lifetime, right? Does that mean there has to be someone dying of cancer or having a stalker boyfriend? Well, I don't think I could come up with that even if I did embellish a whole lot on my real life. But I did die once, I was shot in the stomach. Actually I'm not sure if I was dead or if I was just really close, ready to let go when I heard someone call my name. That's where the boyfriend part comes in. Not so much a stalker but more....an alien. I think maybe a movie based on my life would be a little too intense for Lifetime viewers, but I'll give it a try.

I guess my movie would have to be a love story. About how...ummm a girl from a small town in New Mexico and a boy from...Czechoslovakia. They do things really differently in Czechoslovakia, and some could even say that Czechoslavakians make them really nervous. Really nervous. Needless to say alot of people weren't too happy about Liz and her friends show alot of interest in Czechoslovakia. But you can't choose who you love.

So Liz and her friends spend all this time trying to keep the fact that they know Czechoslavakians a secret. That would be alot easier if there weren't so many Czechoslavakian hunters around. Liz eventually got so close to her Czechoslavakian boyfriend Max that she started to sprout foreign Czechoslavakian characteristics.

In the end none of it mattered, because I already had my happily ever after and that's how my movie will be too. In the end Max and Liz run away from New Mexico and get married. They're living happily ever after.

That weird test that's been going around.

2006-01-07T10:29:50Z

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

CONSIDER: The Loverboy

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
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